My First DNF

My trail marathon was this weekend. It did not go well...

Womp Womp

I did not finish. I tapped out after 20 miles. Honestly, I was ready to quit after 3 Loops (10 miles). And again after 4 Loops (13.3 miles). Once I hit that halfway point, I had figured out that the timing was not on my side, I maybe could finish a marathon distance, but not in the time limit. I was half way though the distance in just under half the time, but I was not getting much running done any more. I was slowing WAY down. So my brain kicked into GPS Mode - RECALCULATING...

I'm struggling here, but you gotta run and smile for the camera, am I right?

New plan - finish 20 today. Do 50 at Hinson Lake in two weeks. Go for the 100K at Hallucination on November 20. Surely I could get to 20 today, right?! That's just 2 more loops.

I honestly have no idea what my exact problem was, but my body just would not cooperate. I was getting dizzy. I struggled to keep walking. My ears kept feeling like they were full of water. I felt sick. I sat down on the trail. Hell, I literally laid down on the trail for like 3 or 4 minutes. I have NEVER done that before. No one saw me at least. It was the first time I was genuinely worried that I would have to be actually rescued from something. 

I admitted this to no one of course. I pulled myself up off the ground. Got to the aid station. Sat down for about 5 minutes and made myself walk back in the last mile to tell the RD I was dropping.

I managed to keep it together when they tried to hand me a medal and told them, no, I didn't earn it. When I confirmed I was dropping. When I took off and handed in my bib. When they handed me the DNF Coin. I stayed upright and ok through all that.

I walked back to my "camp" that my friend had already partially taken down (I had told him I was dropping the lap before) and I sat down and started sobbing. Hard. 

But not for long. Just like I forced myself off the ground, I forced myself to stop crying. It was time to pack up the rest of the camp, carry it all back to the car and then take a quick bath house shower. Through it all I tried not to pass out. Pushed through my leg and feet muscles cramping. Though the clogged head. The dizziness. The pain. Afraid if I stopped, I wouldn't be able to start back up again. And my friend had hung out all day just to watch me fail. And now he wanted to go to the bar, so I pushed through. For him.

Cause that is who I am. And why I have to change. But that is another conversation.

At least it was a beautiful forest I almost died in.
And if I am being 100% honest, a bit of my may actually have.

My Best of 2026 In Review (So Far)

I've never been good at gratitude. I mean, sure, I am thankful when someone does something for me. My love language is someone caring for me through small acts of kindness. I say please and thank you and mean it sincerely. But the kind of gratitude that is emphasized in every self help or mindfulness book/app/challenge touts, that kind of thing doesn't come naturally to me. At least not in the - List 3 Things You are Grateful Every Day kind of way. 

In my previous post here, I mentioned that, despite feeling like an utter failure currently, I did actually manage to accomplish several noteworthy things in 2026. So in this post, I have decided to go back each month and pick one thing to celebrate. 

Note: the thing I choose for each month may not necessarily be a HUGE challenge completed kind of accomplishment, but instead something that looking back on makes me happy for whatever reason.

January

I did a paint and sip night with a friend and I honestly love how it came out. This is now hung in my bedroom.

February

Went to Philly on a work trip and due to the flight prices, ended up spending an extra day where I went to the Philadelphia Museum of Art (and not to just run up the steps). Loved seeing all the art, especially the Van Gogh and Monet paintings.

March

I went to a wedding (a friend's son) and got to dress up pretty, which I very rarely do. It was a beautiful day at a beautiful venue. I got to pet longhorn cattle too.

April

Ville to Ville Relay. Love this race and was grateful to be on this team (I was a late, but not quite last minute replacement). I've been running with this group for years, but not as much as I used to and had a super fun time. Can't wait to do it again in 2027.

May

I ran the Devil Makes Three 50K in May. I was undertrained for sure, and I took a hard fall at mile 6 of 31, but I did it. And I absolutely adore this medal!

June

I volunteered at the Hell Hole Hundred Ultra where I worked an aid station from 8 pm - 8 am both Friday and Saturday nights. During my "down time" I paced 2 runners for a total of 16 miles. There was very little sleep, way too many bugs and drastic temperature swings, but I had an amazing time and met some really cool people. Plus I earned a free entry to a future race.

July

*I did A LOT in July. Like a lot. So I chose 3 things to highlight. 

On July 1, I got to see two bands that I absolutely adore in Durham, Bug Hunter and The Narcissist Cookbook. I missed them when they came to Charlotte the year before. I went solo to Durham, made it to the front of the stage and got to talk to both guys at the merch table after the show. I got this signed lyric card, which I cherish.

I spent 10 days in the middle of July in China. It was a work trip, but I had a free weekend while there and took the opportunity to climb a mountain! Wutong Mountain is the tallest peak in Shenzhen at just over 3,000 ft. Stairs the whole way up, so hot and humid but I made it to the top. In fact, I felt good enough the next day to climb a second (smaller) mountain, Nanshan Mountain overlooking Sea World.

I took a mini-vacation with my brother at the end of July to Lexington, VA. No reason for choosing it, but it was a great choice. We explored the Washington and Lee University and VMI campuses, went to the Virginia Safari Park, enjoyed a beautiful mountain top winery and on the way home stopped at the Roanoke Star.

August

I lead a run club on Tuesdays at the Main Street Bottle Shop. After hosting a successful community Unity (multiple run clubs) Cinco de Mayo event earlier in the year I was asked to host another event in August. It was a fun event for a big group and everyone seemed to have a great time at the End of Summer Luau themed run.

September Running Goals

Random running photo of me

I run. A lot. Like I know there are people out there that run way more than I do, but for the average person, I put on quite a few miles. Strava always puts me in the top 1-2% for milage in my year end review. For reference, as of today, Sept. 8th, I have run 1,044 miles for the year (my goal is 1500).

You'd think I would be better at it. But no, I work really really hard, and put in A LOT of time and effort to be extremely mid. Especially these days. I used to a better runner than I am now. Surgeries, age, life, lots of things have contributed to my performance decline and I am coming to terms with that, but still, I have a few big goals left in me that I am hoping to button up this month. 

September 26-27 will be my 3rd 100K attempt. I will be running the Hinson Lake 24 Hour Ultra Classic... again. The first 2 attempts capped out around 55 mile. I need 62. 

If I do not hit my 100K goal, I do have a second chance to do it before the end of the year at a race in November, but I know deep in my soul that failing to meet my mileage goal at Hinson Lake will hurt A LOT. 

This coming weekend I am running the Dirt Dash, a trail marathon, to act as my final long training run for this training cycle, a training cycle that has not been that great if I am being honest. I am not mentally, or physically where I want to be right now, but I've run out of time to do much about it. How well I execute this coming weekend will help me determine if I think that the 100K will be possible. I've got my pacing and fueling plans worked out, I just have to execute. And if I am being 100% honest with myself, the mental aspect is going to be a big one for both of these races. The first time I failed, it was a combo of physical and mental. The last time, it was all mental. And right now, I am not in a good mental place. But if I fail, I know it'll be so much worse. 

Wish me luck. I am going to need it.

*I used to write a lot about my running back when I was better at it. If you are interested, please check out that blog here: www.runnerdgirl.blogspot.com

Confessions From A Habitual Over Planner

I had a simple goal for 2026 - to change every single thing about myself, my life and my surroundings. Easy peasy, right? 

From DreamWorks How to Train Your Dragon

In December 2025, I developed a 10 page document titled 2026 Goals Plan. Drafted it like it was a business plan. Had detailed goals for 7 distinct areas of my life: 

1. Health and Fitness 
2. Mental and Emotional Wellness 
3. Career and Professional Development 
4. Personal Productivity and Organization
5. Financial Stability
6. Family and Relationships
7. Personal Development and Enjoyment

So yeah, pretty much EVERYTHING. And I am talking goals, objectives, plans of action and metrics and check-ins for each area. I won't bore you will all of the detailed plans (and boy, were they detailed) but I will share my personal mission statement. Yeah, wrote one of those too.

In 2026, I commit to living with structure, purpose, and intentionality across every area of my life. I will prioritize my health, fitness, and wellbeing; cultivate emotional stability and resilience; grow professionally and creatively; strengthen meaningful relationships; and manage my finances with clarity and discipline. I will pursue my passions, including running, reading, and personal projects, while supporting my daughter and nurturing connections that align with my values. Through consistent habits, mindful reflection, and purposeful action, I will honor my growth, celebrate progress, and create a year defined by balance, focus, and forward momentum.

So realistic and doable, right? Anyway, you have probably figured out how this has all panned out. Instead of following it to the letter and becoming a structured, stable person with emotional resilience and a growth trajectory that has finally found happiness and inner peace, I am an even bigger mess now than I was when I hit, what I considered" rock bottom" 9 months ago. Oh, sweet summer child, if only I knew how much further I could fall...

I started the year all pumped to execute. And I promise I tried. I really tried. But, as I am sure you can see what I clearly did not, drastically trying to improve every aspect of your life fueled only by the hope of finding some kind of magical motivation or discipline that I've never shown in the prior 48 years of my life, yeah, failure was destined. When I would focus on one area, the others would suffer. Then I would freak out and try to compensate. I would vow to fix it. I'd make a new plan. Then I would get exhausted trying to do it all and end up doing nothing.  Then I would hit a new rock bottom from where I would then need a new plan to recover from.

I guess you could say that I technically did find structure. Too bad the structure is as follows: 

• Hate Myself
• Decide to Change
• Make an Extensive Plan
• Get Completely Overwhelmed by Plan
• Fail at Plan
• Spiral
• Hate Myself
• Repeat (Indefinitely) 

Me, running a 50K

I pretty much have repeated this cycle every month since the beginning of the year. And the
worst part, is that I actually have met a few of my goals, some of which anyone would consider to be pretty big goals (I've read 60 books already, paid off 3 credit cards and I've run over 1,000 miles already including completing a 50K in May, oh and I've travelled internationally including climbing not one, but TWO mountains in China) but I have not been able to enjoy or celebrate them because all I can see is this huge uncompleted document.

So here I am. Staring at the last 4 months of the year and trying to figure out how to salvage it. Mostly, I've learned I cannot just plan my way out of how I feel. I need to figure out exactly what I really want, and start making small, meaningful changes towards the life I want. Huge comprehensive documents aren't cutting it. And you know it is bad when even your ChatGPT (yes, I use it to help me plan) keeps telling you to quit with the planning and challenges. Direct quote from 2 days ago - "You have a tendency—and I say this with affection—to respond to feeling overwhelmed by trying to create a better version of yourself. New plan. New challenge. New system. New goal. New thing to fix." Yeah, I've got AI telling me to chill the hell out even. 

So where do I go from here? (Seriously, if you have any ideas, please let me know). Currently, I am working on a new plan which I am calling "Survive September." That's it. Get through this month. If I make some progress, great, I'd love that, but as long as I make it through without digging my hole any deeper I will consider it a win. 

And honestly, starting blogging again, while on the surface may seem like something else I've added to make my life more difficult, is actually something that I think will help. I missed writing. I missed sharing. I think what I am learning is that what it really comes down to is that I miss living a life that I wanted to write about and share. So I am doing the writing and sharing part first and maybe, just maybe, that will help manifest the life worth those things again.

Feel free to share anything, seriously, anything, in the comments below. Can you relate? Have you tried a life reset and have it fail miserably? Or did it succeed (pretty please tell me how if so). While I am fully convinced that this blog will be just me shouting into the void, it's always nice to know that it is not. Let me know you're there.

Once Upon A Time There Was A Running Blogger...

Once upon a time, I used to have a blog. I used it to detail a life that I enjoyed living, mostly running and the adventures that being an extremely mid local running influencer afforded me. I loved it. 

Then my life seemed to get away from me. The world changed. I changed. I struggled. I lost myself. I started treading water instead of living. I stopped writing.

It has been 2.5 years since I put text to type. 

I don't know where this will ultimately go, if anywhere, but I want to try again. And not just the blogging, I want to try living a life that makes me happy. I am working on figuring out what that means. I don't know if this will be a journal, a blog, or ultimately something more, but I feel like I need to get some of this out of my head, my heart, and back into the world. This time, I am sure it will be much less polished, much like I am these days. But I am ready to try again.

So, one foot in front of the other
Pick up the rock
We are gettin' out of bed today